Sunday morning speculation.
It's Sunday morning. My beloved is still asleep, so there is no-one to play with. Later she will get up and we will have to rush off to some big family thing (her family). Then I have to go to bed because I get up really really early to knock myself out at work. For all practical purposes my weekend is over already. Thanks for coming.
It's just this sort of outburst that makes me question the value of having an LJ. All I am ever going to use it for is childish whining, self pitying drivel and the kind of inane banter that only reinforces my rep as something of an intellectual lightweight.
Some might argue that the LJ is the ideal venue for such catharsism. It is safe, anonymous, private. We all have "need-a-share-and-a-hug" moments now and then. The fact is that LJ is NOT anonymous or private for me. The only people who read are people I already know. People that I should just talk to anyway. But I don't because I'm white male and relatively heterosexual. So maybe we're making some headway after all. Hooray, hugs all round. Now move along.
Being WMARH is my excuse for just about everything. Try it out, it's easy and it goes with everything. Here are a few to get your collection started
Being WMARH ...
I'm lazy, thoughtless and rude.
I dress badly and claim to take a manly pride in doing so.
I can't dance, shouldn't sing and am basically shit in bed.
... and so on. If you don't happen to be WMARH just slot in any expression that you have in common with most other people. You want to identify yourself with the masses, try to blend in with the dominant paradigm. It's doesn't matter how left of centre you really are just go with the stuff that makes you sound the most ordinary.
If you have to replace all the expressions, fine. Just remember to keep only three things in the list. For some reason lists are funniest when they have three things in them.
Try some of these on for fit.
Being single, desperate and bitter ...
(or Being married, trapped and bitter ...)
Being employed, un-appreciated and overtaxed ...
Being sentient, bipedal and type O+ ...
I remember when I was young and wadical (man) there used to be bumper stickers that read "Subvert the dominant paradigm". It seemed like a good idea at the time, even if it mostly seemed to consist of being rude to bank staff. These days I take pride and comfort in being the dominant paradigm. It makes me feel like I'm part of something and have some control over my life and the lives of others. Like most mantra's it is an illusion but if it helps ease the pain a little I say go for it.
Next time you find yourself strapped, face down to the ironing board with a bunch of small household items shoved up you, try saying to yourself "I am the dominant paradigm. I am the dominant paradigm. I am the dominant paradigm." It's not KY or Codeine, but it might help.
Some short stuff
===============
anagrams
Really and early are only anagrams if you leave out one of the l's in really. And an anagram is only considered a witty little bon mot ( oh I say, Good one, Wilde) if you don't have to fudge the spelling. So leave those two alone.
offensive language
My last post included some stuff that may have caused a bit of offense to the gentler amongst you.![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
sjkasabi has told me to learn to use the asterisk or fuck off. So from now on I will undertake to use the asterisk to emphasise a point or when I want to say tw*ddle.
the relative part of WMARH
According to Einstein everything's relative. We all seem either more ruggedly blokey or less ruggedly blokey, depending on who we are compared to. That's why "The Desiderata" tells us not to. It's also why Einstein dated Marilyn Monroe. He wanted to seem extra butch. It's not common knowledge but Einstein liked to fly his kite on both sides of the side dune.
It's just this sort of outburst that makes me question the value of having an LJ. All I am ever going to use it for is childish whining, self pitying drivel and the kind of inane banter that only reinforces my rep as something of an intellectual lightweight.
Some might argue that the LJ is the ideal venue for such catharsism. It is safe, anonymous, private. We all have "need-a-share-and-a-hug" moments now and then. The fact is that LJ is NOT anonymous or private for me. The only people who read are people I already know. People that I should just talk to anyway. But I don't because I'm white male and relatively heterosexual. So maybe we're making some headway after all. Hooray, hugs all round. Now move along.
Being WMARH is my excuse for just about everything. Try it out, it's easy and it goes with everything. Here are a few to get your collection started
Being WMARH ...
I'm lazy, thoughtless and rude.
I dress badly and claim to take a manly pride in doing so.
I can't dance, shouldn't sing and am basically shit in bed.
... and so on. If you don't happen to be WMARH just slot in any expression that you have in common with most other people. You want to identify yourself with the masses, try to blend in with the dominant paradigm. It's doesn't matter how left of centre you really are just go with the stuff that makes you sound the most ordinary.
If you have to replace all the expressions, fine. Just remember to keep only three things in the list. For some reason lists are funniest when they have three things in them.
Try some of these on for fit.
Being single, desperate and bitter ...
(or Being married, trapped and bitter ...)
Being employed, un-appreciated and overtaxed ...
Being sentient, bipedal and type O+ ...
I remember when I was young and wadical (man) there used to be bumper stickers that read "Subvert the dominant paradigm". It seemed like a good idea at the time, even if it mostly seemed to consist of being rude to bank staff. These days I take pride and comfort in being the dominant paradigm. It makes me feel like I'm part of something and have some control over my life and the lives of others. Like most mantra's it is an illusion but if it helps ease the pain a little I say go for it.
Next time you find yourself strapped, face down to the ironing board with a bunch of small household items shoved up you, try saying to yourself "I am the dominant paradigm. I am the dominant paradigm. I am the dominant paradigm." It's not KY or Codeine, but it might help.
Some short stuff
===============
anagrams
Really and early are only anagrams if you leave out one of the l's in really. And an anagram is only considered a witty little bon mot ( oh I say, Good one, Wilde) if you don't have to fudge the spelling. So leave those two alone.
offensive language
My last post included some stuff that may have caused a bit of offense to the gentler amongst you.
sjkasabi has told me to learn to use the asterisk or fuck off. So from now on I will undertake to use the asterisk to emphasise a point or when I want to say tw*ddle.the relative part of WMARH
According to Einstein everything's relative. We all seem either more ruggedly blokey or less ruggedly blokey, depending on who we are compared to. That's why "The Desiderata" tells us not to. It's also why Einstein dated Marilyn Monroe. He wanted to seem extra butch. It's not common knowledge but Einstein liked to fly his kite on both sides of the side dune.
no subject
no no no, those are not the asterisks I meant. Why the fuck would you want asterisks for offensive language anyhow? Perhaps you could start all the naughty words with an asterisk and then instead of having to say "the f word" or "the s word" when my nephew is present and the rest of the family is complaining about my mother's habit of swearing madly in front of him, you could say "the asterisk word". Then my nephew would run around yelling "as'tricks! astricks!" trying to get a rise out of the adults. It would be quite a worthwhile project, actually.
But the asterisks I meant were the ones that enclose stage directions. So *hugs*, you have just been hugged. Only thanks to the magic of the internet I didn't have to touch you or anything icky like that. *raises eyebrow and looks around to see if Splozza is here* I suppose she's allowed to hug you without asterisks.
It's just this sort of outburst that makes me question the value of having an LJ. All I am ever going to use it for is childish whining, self pitying drivel and the kind of inane banter that only reinforces my rep as something of an intellectual lightweight.
Well that's most of what I use mine for. It's great. And people read it. Amazing! They'd never bother listening to it. Text gives the illusion of intimacy.
no subject
Actually I know that. *removes trousers, smiles optimistically*
Only thanks to the magic of the internet I didn't have to touch you or anything icky like that. *raises eyebrow and looks around to see if Splozza is here* I suppose she's allowed to hug you without asterisks.
No that icky. Rather nice really. Smell nice too.
no subject
no subject
*Posting to prove you wrong* Nyah nyah!