More Sport
Jan. 19th, 2005 04:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
tenbearsThis afternoons live radio coverage of the World Unicycle Endurance Championship of the House is commentated by the quiet whispery voiced guy from Pot Black and one of the hyper shouty lads from WWF.
Pot Black Guy It looks like a lovely afternoon for it. Melbourne has turned on its famous weather charm in support of young Tenbears. Conditions are near perfect for unicycling. We're looking at sunlight without glare, a cooling breeze without gusting. I'm very optimistic about this afternoon's attempt on the World Record of the House.
World Wrestling Federation Guy Boy Howdy. Look at them girls in the crowd. It's a sea of flesh out there. This weathers too hot for bras, eh ladies? Hoo wee!
PBG Yes, the fine weather certainly has brought out a crowd to cheer this young bear on to greatness. And here he comes, ladies and gentlemen. Tenbears is coming onto the field. He acknowledges the crowd with a wave. He's looking at the track. It looks to be in top condition, as does Tenbears himself. Let me just say, for the listeners at home, that Tenbears has clearly trained hard for this event. He's in superb shape and that should stand him in good stead for what is clearly going to be a grueling ride this afternoon. I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone that the current World Record of the House for this event is seventeen lengths of the house.
WWFG Yes, siree. Look at the shoulders on that bear. Look the legs coming outa' them shorts. That bear sure got what it takes.
PBG Indeed. It looks like we're about to start, ladies and gentlemen. The final safety inspection is complete on his machine. Tenbears is putting on the leather gauntlets. He's mounting the unicycle. The crowd is quieting.
The marshals have given the all clear. As soon as Tenbears has finished his balancing warm-up, I'm sure we will be treated to some first class unicycling.
He seems content with his balance. He's nodding to the official time keeper. He's nodding to the the fat guy from the Guiness Book of Records. They're all nodding in return. One final wave to the crowd and he's off, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. Without further ado or fanfare, Tenbears has commenced his assault on the record. The battle has begun.
I must say, that's classic Tenbears. Casual and self-confident.
And style, ladies and gentleman.
As he heads up the path for the first length he looks absolutely glorious in his blue sequined shirt. His shorts are loose and comfortable and he...
WWFG Wait a minute. Are you some kind of sissy boy? Are we gonna discuss clothes or are we gonna watch the race?
PBG It's not a race. It's an endurance challenge, and I was simply trying to bring a little of this great spectacle to the radio audience.
WWFG Well okay then. And I must say it is a great shirt. The right man could do okay with the ladies in a shirt like that, if you know what I mean.
PBG Yes, quite, I'm sure. He's nearing the end of the first length, he's slowing for the turn.
WWFG Slowing already? He'll never make it if he's tiring in the first length.
PBG He's brought it to a near perfect stop for the first time. A single handed pivot and he' heading back down the straight. He has no need to hurry. He's showing every sign of being here for the full run.
(1)
He's slowing for the the second turn. He's grabbing the pillar. Another perfect one handed pivot and off he goes, almost certainy riding his way into the history books.
(2)
WWFG Look at him ride. There's a long way to go but he's made an excellent start. That bear's a winner.
(3)
PBG Another graceful turn as this young sporting hero makes his way back to the pavillion end of the course to complete his fourth leg. Let me just say a few things about technique. (4) Tenbears is a proponent of the "long stare". He tries to remain focused on a point well beyond his actual goal. Many riders claim it helps maintain an easier balance, and it must be working. He certainly is making it look easy this afternoon.
WWFG Easy and fun! Look at him go.
(5)
PBG It's important, though, to be confident that the track is smooth for this kind of work. That's why Tenbears always helps the maintenance crew with their work, so he can be sure of the tracks integrity. (6) I might also add, he started today's run from the front of the house. Many people prefer to commence at the rear of the course and take advantage of the downwards slope on their first run. Tenbears launched himself today for the pavillion end, choosing to tackle the hill straight off.
WWF "tackle" is a British word for "willie", ain't it? Har Har Har. You said willie on the radio. (7)
PBG Hmmm. Tenbears has done seven lengths already, he only has ten more and he has equalled the record, his own I might add. Put another way, if he was going for twenty-one, he has completed a third already. He..
WWFG Twenty-one? Nobody could could ride twenty one lengths of the house. (8)
PBG As he makes another turn at the pavillion end, I can't help noticing that although he invariably pivots using only one hand for balance, he seems equally comfortable making use of either the tree or the pillar. He's not locked into any plan, he's just reading the track as it comes to him. (9)
WWFG He's posing is what he's doing. He's just showing off for the young ladies in the pavillion. Tell you what, though. It seems to be working. Win or lose, that bears gonna be bagging some pantie tonight. (10)
PBG Speaking of undergarments, a number of young ladies seem to be casting them onto the track. The marshals are struggling to keep the track clear for this momentous ride. This is all quite unusual. (11)
WWFG But no surprise really. Look at the muscle on that bear. No-one has legs like that. No-one 'cept a champion, that is. The ladies go mad for that sort of thing. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind a bit of that action myself. (12)
PBG I wouldn't if I were you.
WWFG Why not, Sissy-boy? What are you afraid of?
PBG Ummm,splodgenoodles, actually. (13)
WWFG Whoa, good point. Did you hear what she did to Sandra Bullock? Just about choked the poor woman with her own underwear, during a moment of wedgie giving madness. Folks say Sandra has long legs, but I'll warrant they're a mite longer after messing with the Noodles, if'n y'all catch my drift. (13)
PBG Ummm, yes, quite, I'm sure. Still Tenbears is putting in quite a solid performance this afternoon. We've seen some excellent riding here today and with only a few lengths to go for the record, tensions are mounting. Tenbears is showing the calm of a true champion. (14) He looks as calm now, this close to glory, as he did when he was warming up. It's almost as if he is unaware of how close he is. That, of course, is unlikely. In the pursuit of excellence, a bear like him would tabulate his journey with the utmost precision. (15)
We are now quite close to the record breaking moment and the crowd seems to be responding to that in a variety of ways. Some...
WWFG I think I'd better take over the commentary at this point.
PBG Why ever is that?
We're on the verge of a world record (of the house)and you're still whispering words like "tabulate" and "utmost". You need to cut loose a little. Reflect the excitement of the moment. (16)
PBG Point taken. Please do proceed, my good man.
WWFG One length to to and the bear is looking strong. He's riding well. He's almost there, the crowd is going wild. They's shoutin' and screamin'. They's a-hootin' an' a hollerin'. He's almost there. Almost there. He's there. (17) He's donm it. He's equalled the World Record of the House. He's turned around. He's going back. He's breaking new ground and the crowd is just loving it. As soon as he makes this next turn he'll be king. King, do you hear me? KING!! He's slowing for the turn. There he goes. (18) He's done it. He's smashed the World Record of the House and he's still riding.
It's un-fucking-believable. There's no stopping him now. The record is all his. He's the greatest the world has ever seen, maybe the greatest the world will ever see and the crowd just can't get enough of him. The marshalls are struggling to contain them.(19)
Another one. Look at him go. Just look at him. Whoa! Who'd a'thunk it? Just how far can he go, folks? It looks like he'll never stop. Look at him go. Look at those thighs. Look at those rippling shoulders. Oh God I wish I was him. (20) He's just so....
PBG Are you okay there? You seem a little flushed.
WWFG I'm fine. Don't look at me. Look at that bear. Just look at him. If anything, I think he's going even better now. (21) Oh my god! He's done twenty-one lengths of the house. I always said he could do it.
PBG No you didn't. You said no-one could do twenty-one.
WWFG Did I?
PBG Yes.
(22)
WWFG Please don't tell him I said that.
Meanwhile, he's still riding. We're going to be up all night, just watching him ride. The crowd is loving it. They can't get enough of this handsome, muscular, charming young bear. He's waving to them. Twenty-two lengths and he's still got the strength to wave to the crowd. (23)
The crowd is just going berserk. They're throwing panties like there's no tomorrow. He's riding the road to glory and that road is carpeted with panties. (24) The air is a blizzard of panties. I've never seen so many panties. Panties. Panties PANTIES
PBG Yeah, twenty-four's okay.
Pot Black Guy It looks like a lovely afternoon for it. Melbourne has turned on its famous weather charm in support of young Tenbears. Conditions are near perfect for unicycling. We're looking at sunlight without glare, a cooling breeze without gusting. I'm very optimistic about this afternoon's attempt on the World Record of the House.
World Wrestling Federation Guy Boy Howdy. Look at them girls in the crowd. It's a sea of flesh out there. This weathers too hot for bras, eh ladies? Hoo wee!
PBG Yes, the fine weather certainly has brought out a crowd to cheer this young bear on to greatness. And here he comes, ladies and gentlemen. Tenbears is coming onto the field. He acknowledges the crowd with a wave. He's looking at the track. It looks to be in top condition, as does Tenbears himself. Let me just say, for the listeners at home, that Tenbears has clearly trained hard for this event. He's in superb shape and that should stand him in good stead for what is clearly going to be a grueling ride this afternoon. I'm sure I don't need to remind anyone that the current World Record of the House for this event is seventeen lengths of the house.
WWFG Yes, siree. Look at the shoulders on that bear. Look the legs coming outa' them shorts. That bear sure got what it takes.
PBG Indeed. It looks like we're about to start, ladies and gentlemen. The final safety inspection is complete on his machine. Tenbears is putting on the leather gauntlets. He's mounting the unicycle. The crowd is quieting.
The marshals have given the all clear. As soon as Tenbears has finished his balancing warm-up, I'm sure we will be treated to some first class unicycling.
He seems content with his balance. He's nodding to the official time keeper. He's nodding to the the fat guy from the Guiness Book of Records. They're all nodding in return. One final wave to the crowd and he's off, ladies and gentlemen. That's right. Without further ado or fanfare, Tenbears has commenced his assault on the record. The battle has begun.
I must say, that's classic Tenbears. Casual and self-confident.
And style, ladies and gentleman.
As he heads up the path for the first length he looks absolutely glorious in his blue sequined shirt. His shorts are loose and comfortable and he...
WWFG Wait a minute. Are you some kind of sissy boy? Are we gonna discuss clothes or are we gonna watch the race?
PBG It's not a race. It's an endurance challenge, and I was simply trying to bring a little of this great spectacle to the radio audience.
WWFG Well okay then. And I must say it is a great shirt. The right man could do okay with the ladies in a shirt like that, if you know what I mean.
PBG Yes, quite, I'm sure. He's nearing the end of the first length, he's slowing for the turn.
WWFG Slowing already? He'll never make it if he's tiring in the first length.
PBG He's brought it to a near perfect stop for the first time. A single handed pivot and he' heading back down the straight. He has no need to hurry. He's showing every sign of being here for the full run.
(1)
He's slowing for the the second turn. He's grabbing the pillar. Another perfect one handed pivot and off he goes, almost certainy riding his way into the history books.
(2)
WWFG Look at him ride. There's a long way to go but he's made an excellent start. That bear's a winner.
(3)
PBG Another graceful turn as this young sporting hero makes his way back to the pavillion end of the course to complete his fourth leg. Let me just say a few things about technique. (4) Tenbears is a proponent of the "long stare". He tries to remain focused on a point well beyond his actual goal. Many riders claim it helps maintain an easier balance, and it must be working. He certainly is making it look easy this afternoon.
WWFG Easy and fun! Look at him go.
(5)
PBG It's important, though, to be confident that the track is smooth for this kind of work. That's why Tenbears always helps the maintenance crew with their work, so he can be sure of the tracks integrity. (6) I might also add, he started today's run from the front of the house. Many people prefer to commence at the rear of the course and take advantage of the downwards slope on their first run. Tenbears launched himself today for the pavillion end, choosing to tackle the hill straight off.
WWF "tackle" is a British word for "willie", ain't it? Har Har Har. You said willie on the radio. (7)
PBG Hmmm. Tenbears has done seven lengths already, he only has ten more and he has equalled the record, his own I might add. Put another way, if he was going for twenty-one, he has completed a third already. He..
WWFG Twenty-one? Nobody could could ride twenty one lengths of the house. (8)
PBG As he makes another turn at the pavillion end, I can't help noticing that although he invariably pivots using only one hand for balance, he seems equally comfortable making use of either the tree or the pillar. He's not locked into any plan, he's just reading the track as it comes to him. (9)
WWFG He's posing is what he's doing. He's just showing off for the young ladies in the pavillion. Tell you what, though. It seems to be working. Win or lose, that bears gonna be bagging some pantie tonight. (10)
PBG Speaking of undergarments, a number of young ladies seem to be casting them onto the track. The marshals are struggling to keep the track clear for this momentous ride. This is all quite unusual. (11)
WWFG But no surprise really. Look at the muscle on that bear. No-one has legs like that. No-one 'cept a champion, that is. The ladies go mad for that sort of thing. Truth be told, I wouldn't mind a bit of that action myself. (12)
PBG I wouldn't if I were you.
WWFG Why not, Sissy-boy? What are you afraid of?
PBG Ummm,
splodgenoodles, actually. (13) WWFG Whoa, good point. Did you hear what she did to Sandra Bullock? Just about choked the poor woman with her own underwear, during a moment of wedgie giving madness. Folks say Sandra has long legs, but I'll warrant they're a mite longer after messing with the Noodles, if'n y'all catch my drift. (13)
PBG Ummm, yes, quite, I'm sure. Still Tenbears is putting in quite a solid performance this afternoon. We've seen some excellent riding here today and with only a few lengths to go for the record, tensions are mounting. Tenbears is showing the calm of a true champion. (14) He looks as calm now, this close to glory, as he did when he was warming up. It's almost as if he is unaware of how close he is. That, of course, is unlikely. In the pursuit of excellence, a bear like him would tabulate his journey with the utmost precision. (15)
We are now quite close to the record breaking moment and the crowd seems to be responding to that in a variety of ways. Some...
WWFG I think I'd better take over the commentary at this point.
PBG Why ever is that?
We're on the verge of a world record (of the house)and you're still whispering words like "tabulate" and "utmost". You need to cut loose a little. Reflect the excitement of the moment. (16)
PBG Point taken. Please do proceed, my good man.
WWFG One length to to and the bear is looking strong. He's riding well. He's almost there, the crowd is going wild. They's shoutin' and screamin'. They's a-hootin' an' a hollerin'. He's almost there. Almost there. He's there. (17) He's donm it. He's equalled the World Record of the House. He's turned around. He's going back. He's breaking new ground and the crowd is just loving it. As soon as he makes this next turn he'll be king. King, do you hear me? KING!! He's slowing for the turn. There he goes. (18) He's done it. He's smashed the World Record of the House and he's still riding.
It's un-fucking-believable. There's no stopping him now. The record is all his. He's the greatest the world has ever seen, maybe the greatest the world will ever see and the crowd just can't get enough of him. The marshalls are struggling to contain them.(19)
Another one. Look at him go. Just look at him. Whoa! Who'd a'thunk it? Just how far can he go, folks? It looks like he'll never stop. Look at him go. Look at those thighs. Look at those rippling shoulders. Oh God I wish I was him. (20) He's just so....
PBG Are you okay there? You seem a little flushed.
WWFG I'm fine. Don't look at me. Look at that bear. Just look at him. If anything, I think he's going even better now. (21) Oh my god! He's done twenty-one lengths of the house. I always said he could do it.
PBG No you didn't. You said no-one could do twenty-one.
WWFG Did I?
PBG Yes.
(22)
WWFG Please don't tell him I said that.
Meanwhile, he's still riding. We're going to be up all night, just watching him ride. The crowd is loving it. They can't get enough of this handsome, muscular, charming young bear. He's waving to them. Twenty-two lengths and he's still got the strength to wave to the crowd. (23)
The crowd is just going berserk. They're throwing panties like there's no tomorrow. He's riding the road to glory and that road is carpeted with panties. (24) The air is a blizzard of panties. I've never seen so many panties. Panties. Panties PANTIES
PANTIES
PANT...
.... Ooh ah. I bet that hurt. Still twenty-four ain't bad, I guess.PBG Yeah, twenty-four's okay.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-19 04:53 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-19 07:12 pm (UTC)I, in turn, am rather impressed by JB's ability to have garb without the need to actually sew it himself. This is a talent I greatly admire.