Tales From the Shared Reality.

People often ask why I spend so many of my working hours wandering alone in my own head. To show what my shared reality is like at work I submit for your edification, Gentle Reader, a series of genuine quotes from one of my co-workers.

On the Olympic rower that collapsed
"I fucking hate that bitch! Fancy letting your team mates down like that. It's a fucking disgrace."

On Princess Di
"They killed her, that bloody Royal Family! It's a fucking disgrace. A real shame. I fucking hate that Royal Family."

On the Azaria Chamberlain Case
"Of course they didn't find any dingo saliva on the baby's jumpsuit. The dingo is the only dog that doesn't produce saliva, because it's a desert animal."

On a workmate who celebrates each Friday by yelling "Yabba dabba doooo" with his heavy french accent.
"I don't see how anyone finds that amusing. I find it really fucking annoying."

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit? Not anymore, apparently.
"Humour is the lowest form of wit, you know."

On horror movies
"I hate scary movies, all about Freddy Mercury and them"
and Tenbears asks "Wasn't Freddy Mercury the lead singer of Queen?"
a moments reflective silence.
"No."

On Paris Hilton
"I fucking hate that bitch! Fancy stealing poor Delta's boyfriend like that. She's a fucking disgrace!"

Actually this one has a happy ending. Another co-worker, a very nice women of middle years (neat, polite, well respected and above all, quiet) said "Well of course she did. She's a billionairess. She can do whatever she wants. I think she's wooonderful"
and Tenbears asks "Would you do the same if you were her?"
"Ooh yes"

And no more was heard on the subject of Paris Hilton.